Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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