She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize
