your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Randomize
