At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Randomize
