nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
So here I am, sexting at work.
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