I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
