I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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