I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
