god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Randomize
