I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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