I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Houston, we have a squirter
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
