You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
