Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Randomize
