Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Randomize
