the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Randomize
