After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
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