the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
