Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need a burrito and a hug.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Randomize