I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
sex in a hospital.. check
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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