I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
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