he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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