Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
