the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
