I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
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I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
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Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
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