Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
