we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
