What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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