jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
