Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
