Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Randomize
