I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
