it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Randomize
