That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
PANTIES FOUND
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