yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
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