how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
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