it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize