dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
