I accidentally had phone sex last night
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
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