Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
