Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Randomize
