You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
