Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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