my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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