i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
