My first STD was from a foam party
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
