adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
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