apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
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