If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
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i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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