Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Randomize
