this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
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the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
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i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention