So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize
