Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Watching her eat just hurts me
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".