That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
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for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
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Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.