So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking