VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
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