Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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