i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I want to fling myself into the sun
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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