I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
