Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
