She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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