So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
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