some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize